How to Write an Obituary: Forget Tradition, Tell Their Story
Writing an obituary is more than just listing dates and facts; it’s a chance to capture the heart and spirit of someone who mattered. When someone close to us passes away, we’re left with memories, laughter, and stories that capture who they were beyond the basics of birth and death. When we sit down to write about a loved one, we’re not just making an announcement—we’re crafting a story that honors a life in all its fullness.
This is the moment to remember the little quirks, the laughter shared, and the countless ways they made a difference to those around them. Imagine turning this into a celebration—a genuine tribute that doesn’t shy away from their humor, their passions, and the unique path they walked. Whether they loved adventure, had an infectious laugh, or dedicated themselves to helping others, this is the time to capture those qualities and let their unique story shine.
Let’s move beyond tradition and explore how an obituary can tell a story that feels as alive and memorable as the person it’s written for, celebrating the life lived, one story, one laugh, and one memory at a time.
Too Long; Didn’t Read: Crafting an Obituary
Start with the Basics: Begin with essential information like their name, age, place of birth, and family ties, setting the foundation for their story.
Add Personal Touches: Go beyond dates to share their passions, interests, and the moments that brought them joy.
Capture Their Unique Voice: Embrace their quirks and humor, sharing stories that reflect their personality.
Consider a Collective Obituary: Invite family and friends to contribute memories, creating a richer, multi-dimensional tribute.
Utilize Digital Memorials: Online platforms allow loved ones to continue sharing and connecting, keeping the memory alive in meaningful ways.
Starting with the Basics: Laying the Foundation
Every great story needs a foundation, and in an obituary, that foundation is built with a few essential details. These are the elements that family members and friends will recognize immediately, offering a sense of connection and grounding. Start by sharing their full name, age, place of residence, and date of passing—simple details that set the stage.
Beyond these basics, including their date and place of birth, as well as their parents’ names, can add a familiar touch that feels like an introduction. If they had a significant partner, children, or other close family members, mentioning them is a way to honor these relationships. For many, this opening is a comforting way to see themselves and their loved ones reflected in the life being remembered.
Key Details to Consider:
Full Name: Use the full name they were known by, and if they had a nickname, include that too. A nickname can bring warmth and familiarity to the reader, instantly sparking recognition.
Birth and Passing Dates: These are standard but important; they provide a timeline that grounds the reader in the life’s span.
Place of Birth and Residence: These details can anchor the story in a specific location, especially meaningful if they had a deep connection to their hometown or current residence.
Family Ties: Mentioning family members and surviving family members is a way to show the legacy left behind. Immediate family members, partners, children, or close friends add a personal touch to the story.
Example Phrase:
“Born in the heart of New Orleans, Anna found her love for jazz early on, a passion that played out over her entire life. Known affectionately as ‘Sweet Anna’ by family members, she brought warmth and laughter to everyone around her.”
Building Depth: Beyond Dates to Real Moments
Once the foundation is set, consider going deeper by capturing real moments that defined their life. An obituary becomes much more memorable when it moves beyond basic facts and brings real moments to life. This section is about adding details that reflect the richness of the person’s life—those defining qualities, passions, and stories that made them unique. Think about the little things that family members and friends remember most. What made them laugh, what they were proud of, or even the quirks that made them stand out.
Consider the milestones and adventures, but also the day-to-day passions. Was there a favorite recipe they cooked every holiday? Did they have a knack for telling funny stories, collecting vintage records, or organizing family gatherings? Adding these kinds of details helps transform the obituary from a list of events into a story about a life.
Areas to Explore:
Career and Achievements: Describe not only what they did, but also what they loved about it. A career is often about much more than titles and dates; it can reflect dedication, hard work, and impact.
Hobbies and Passions: Capture their favorite pastimes, whether they loved hiking, cooking, or spending time with family. These interests tell a story about how they enjoyed life.
Community and Connections: Mention clubs, volunteer work, or organizations they were involved in, as these reflect how they connected with and impacted their community.
Travel and Adventures: If they had favorite travel destinations or unforgettable adventures, include those. These stories can spark vivid memories in those who knew them.
Example Phrase:
“Known as the heart of every family gathering, Paul was always the first to start a dance party, especially when his favorite Motown hits came on. He brought this same energy to his career as a teacher, where he inspired generations of students to love learning.”
Finding Their Voice: Writing with Personality
An obituary can be a beautiful reflection of a person’s true self, especially when it captures their voice and personality. Every person has unique qualities and quirks that make them memorable, and this section is where those can truly shine. Think about the things that made them laugh, their favorite sayings, or the habits that family and friends remember with a smile. Was there something they always did that set them apart, like telling stories that made everyone laugh or singing their heart out at family gatherings?
Adding humor or honesty—if it fits their personality—can make the obituary more relatable and memorable. People love to see their loved ones reflected honestly, and a touch of humor or an anecdote brings them closer, even in memory.
Tips for Capturing Their Unique Personality:
Embrace Their Quirks: If they had unique habits or a favorite expression, include it! It’s those small details that make people feel real on the page.
Humor, When Appropriate: Humor can add warmth and bring a smile to readers. If they were known for their sense of humor or had a mischievous streak, this is a great place to let that shine.
Anecdotes and Stories: Include short stories that show their personality, whether it’s a funny moment from a family vacation or a cherished memory shared with friends.
Example Phrase:
“Described by friends as the ‘life of the party,’ Sarah had a knack for making everyone laugh, whether through her spot-on impersonations or her love of practical jokes. Known to start impromptu dance-offs at family gatherings, she never missed a chance to bring joy to others.”
Example of Humor in Obituaries:
A famous example is the obituary for Harry Stamps, who was lovingly remembered for his love of “buttermilk and Vienna sausages” and his aversion to “casserole-loving women.” Such humor painted a picture of his character in a way that resonated with many.
Including Others: The Collective Obituary
An obituary becomes a true celebration of life when it includes the voices of the people who knew and loved them best. Inviting close family members and friends to contribute their memories can create a deeper, more colorful story—one that brings together a mosaic of perspectives, capturing the essence of the person in a way that one voice alone might miss.
In a collective obituary, everyone can share something meaningful, funny, or inspiring about the person’s life. This approach not only makes the obituary richer but also brings comfort to loved ones, as each contribution becomes a personal tribute. It’s an opportunity for multiple voices to honor the person, weaving together memories that highlight different aspects of their life and personality.
How to Approach a Collective Obituary:
Invite Multiple Perspectives: Reach out to close friends, siblings, or children to share a favorite story or memory. These reflections help readers see different sides of the person’s character.
Encourage Unique Contributions: Each person might remember something different—a favorite saying, a shared experience, or even an inside joke. Embrace these contributions to add depth.
Create a Flow: Once contributions are gathered, organize them to create a narrative that flows naturally. Each memory or story should add to the overall picture, celebrating the person’s impact on those around them.
Example Phrase:
“To capture the real spirit of John, family and friends came together to share their most treasured memories. His sister remembers the summers spent fishing by the lake, while his best friend recalls their wild cross-country road trip. Through each story, John’s kindness, humor, and adventurous spirit shine.”
Concluding Gracefully: Tying Together a Beautiful Tribute
The conclusion of an obituary is where everything comes together, offering a final moment to honor the person’s connections and lasting impact. It’s also where we acknowledge the family members and loved ones who will carry their memory forward. Here, you can mention any surviving family members, paying respect to the legacy they’ll help keep alive.
This is also the place to provide essential information about any memorial service or funeral service, giving others an opportunity to gather in honor and memory. Sharing these details thoughtfully allows friends, family, and the wider community to come together and celebrate the life of the person being remembered.
Elements to Include in the Conclusion:
Surviving Family Members: Mentioning immediate family members or close friends emphasizes the connections they leave behind. This can offer comfort to those reading and allow them to feel seen as part of a lasting legacy.
Memorial and Funeral Service Details: Clearly include the date, time, and location of the memorial service or funeral service, or provide information about any donation preferences in lieu of flowers. If there’s a virtual option or online remembrance page, that can be noted as well.
Final Words: Consider closing with a phrase that reflects their spirit, such as a favorite quote or a brief expression of gratitude from the family.
Example Phrase:
“John is survived by his wife, Emily, his two children, Claire and Michael, and his beloved grandchildren, who will remember his warmth and laughter for years to come. A memorial service to celebrate his life will be held on [Date] at [Location]. In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [Charity/Organization], a cause close to John’s heart.”
Legacy in the Digital Age: Keeping Memories Alive
An obituary no longer has to be confined to a single printed page or newspaper announcement. With the help of online memorials, social media tributes, and digital platforms, families can now create a lasting legacy that spans time and distance. Digital obituaries allow friends and family members to continue sharing stories, photos, and memories, providing a meaningful way to keep someone’s spirit alive.
Through online tributes, loved ones can leave personal messages, upload cherished photos, and share memories that capture the person’s essence. This digital space becomes a place where family and friends can visit and reconnect with the memory, even if they’re unable to gather in person. Digital memorials offer the flexibility to reach a wider community and can bring comfort to those separated by distance.
Ideas for Keeping the Memory Alive Online:
Interactive Memorial Pages: Websites like Legacy.com and social media platforms allow friends and family to leave comments, share stories, and add photos, creating an enduring space for remembrance.
Dedicated Memorial Websites: Some families create a personal website as a lasting tribute. These sites can host sections for stories, photos, videos, and messages, painting a fuller picture of the person’s life.
Virtual Memorial Gatherings: If loved ones are spread across locations, consider holding a virtual memorial gathering. This can allow everyone to connect, share memories, and celebrate together, regardless of distance.
Final Thoughts: Embracing the Opportunity to Tell Their Story
Writing an obituary may seem daunting at first, but it can also be an incredibly rewarding way to honor a loved one. This is more than just a task—it’s an opportunity to reflect on their life, celebrate their unique journey, and share the moments that mattered most. By choosing a tone that feels right, adding details that truly capture their essence, and including the voices of others, you’re not only honoring the person they were but also giving friends and family a beautiful way to remember them.
There’s no “right” way to write an obituary, only the way that feels most true to the person’s spirit. Embrace the freedom to tell their story as vividly and honestly as possible, whether that means sharing funny anecdotes, meaningful achievements, or the quiet moments that made their life unique. In this way, the obituary becomes a keepsake, a lasting tribute that future generations can read to connect with their legacy.
Remember, this isn’t just a goodbye. It’s a chance to celebrate every laugh, every triumph, and every memory that defined them. As you put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, know that you’re creating something that will help keep their memory alive for years to come.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): How to write an obituary?
1. What details are essential in an obituary?
The essential details include the person’s full name, age, date and place of birth, residence, and family members. Additional elements like career, hobbies, and contributions can add depth.
2. Can humor be included in an obituary?
Yes, humor can be a wonderful addition if it reflects the person’s personality. Including funny stories or quirks can make the obituary more relatable and heartfelt.
3. How can family and friends contribute to an obituary?
Inviting loved ones to share their memories and stories can create a collective obituary that reflects multiple perspectives, adding richness to the tribute.
4. How can digital memorials help keep their memory alive?
Digital memorials are online platforms where loved ones can leave messages, photos, and stories. They’re popular because they allow people to connect and remember across distances and time.
5. Is it common to pre-write your own obituary?
Some people choose to write their own obituary to ensure their life is celebrated in a way that aligns with their values and personality. It can be a meaningful exercise in self-reflection.
