Graveside Service with a Twist: Crafting a Farewell That’s Anything but Ordinary

Planning a graveside service might not be on your list of fun activities, but it’s something many of us will eventually face. So, what exactly is a graveside service? It’s a ceremony held at the burial site, where family and friends gather to pay their final respects. This setting offers a more intimate and focused atmosphere compared to a traditional funeral service.

Did you know you can actually arrange the graveside service yourself? This gives you the freedom to create a ceremony that truly reflects the person you’re honoring. In many places, such as Oregon, you’re not required to use a licensed funeral director for final arrangements. If you’re comfortable handling the paperwork, you can manage everything from the death certificate to transporting your loved one to their final resting place. You’ll need to obtain a Home Burial Packet—your state should offer something like this—by contacting the local health department, which includes all necessary forms.

Too Long; Didn’t Read: Graveside Service

• Types of Graveside Services: Options include DIY arrangements, funeral home services, and alternatives like green burials.
• Cost Factors: Costs vary based on personalization, location, and choice of ceremony, with DIY services typically being more affordable.
• Personalization Tips: Add unique elements like favorite music, themed attire, or special rituals to honor your loved one.
• Support Resources: Seek grief counseling, join support groups, or access online resources for coping assistance.

Options for a Graveside Service

DIY Approach 

If you prefer to take charge, you can manage all aspects of the graveside service, from choosing the speakers to selecting music. You might even incorporate special moments, like non-alcoholic bubbles, to honor cemetery rules.

Funeral Home Services

Opting for a funeral service through a funeral home can offer convenience, but be prepared for higher costs, sometimes nearing $4,000. This fee might include unnecessary extras like embalming or a coffin. Alternatively, some funeral homes offer a ‘Direct to Burial’ service for around $600, though this typically involves no ceremony.

Vita Viola’s Initiative

We’re working with local funeral homes to create an affordable option that allows you to manage your own graveside ceremony. This could save you thousands and provide the freedom to set the tone and atmosphere you desire. We’re hopeful this new option will be available soon—please contact us for updates.

Making It Special

A graveside service is about creating a meaningful farewell. It’s an opportunity to gather, share stories, shed a few tears, and even smile as you celebrate the life of your loved one. Whether you opt for a traditional funeral service or something more personal, the focus is on making the moment special for everyone involved.

This article covers everything you need to know about a graveside service, from the basics to creative touches that make the day unique. And hey, it doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. A graveside service can offer a chance to say goodbye in a way that truly reflects the person you’re honoring. While cemeteries have rules that must be followed, this can still be a heartfelt and personal experience.

We’ll explore everything you need to know about a graveside service, from traditional elements to more creative, personalized touches. Our aim is to cover the basics, add a bit of humor, and make the process a bit less daunting. After all, saying goodbye should be as unique as the person we’re celebrating. Let’s dive in!

How to Pull Off a Graveside Service with Heart: The Essentials and Personal Touches

Arrival and Gathering

As funeral service attendees gather at the gravesite, the casket or urn may already be in place, or it will arrive shortly. This moment is often one of quiet reflection as everyone comes together. However, if you want “YMCA” playing while people arrive, go for it! This is your chance to make the gathering as personal and meaningful as you like, reflecting the unique personality of your loved one.

Welcome and Introduction

The service begins with a warm welcome and an introduction, setting the tone for the ceremony. This can be led by anyone—whether a colleague, friend, or even your chosen family. It’s an opportunity to bring everyone together and create a sense of connection. You might share a personal story or memory that captures the essence of the person being honored. For instance, if your loved one had a great sense of humor, you might do something light-hearted, like wearing a fun outfit in their honor or just roasting them for fun!

Eulogies 

Eulogies are a special part of the funeral service where loved ones celebrate and remember the person who has passed away. This segment can be as unique as they were, with family and close friends all sharing memories and stories. Whether you choose a theme like ‘Cher’ or something else they loved, make it personal. You could even include a light-hearted note, like jokingly calling out Uncle Bob for that time he “borrowed” your fireworks. The goal is to create a meaningful and memorable tribute.

Prayers and Rites

Depending on religious or cultural traditions, the graveside service might include prayers, blessings, or specific rites. For example, a Christian service might feature a committal prayer, while a Jewish service could recite prayers or involve filling the grave. It’s about honoring your loved one’s beliefs and values. If they were spiritual but not religious, consider including spiritual readings or messages that resonate with their spirit. You could also incorporate unique elements like crystals if that feels appropriate.

Music

Music can be a powerful part of a graveside service, setting the tone and evoking memories. Whether it’s a favorite hymn, a beloved song, or an instrumental piece, the right music can make the moment feel even more personal. For example, I want Daft Punk’s “One More Time” playing as my casket is lowered. And just a heads up—if anyone plays “Hallelujah” at my funeral service, I’ll be haunting them for eternity! The key is to choose songs that truly reflect the spirit and preferences of your loved one, making the service unique and memorable.

The Burial

The service usually concludes with the burial, where the casket is lowered into the ground. This moment often includes symbolic gestures, such as throwing earth onto the casket or placing flowers. Personal touches can make this time even more meaningful. For example, the author Roald Dahl was buried with some of his favorite items, including snooker cues, chocolate, and a bottle of Burgundy. Make it personal! For me, I’d love to have the Arizona State Football team there to let me down one more time. The key is to include elements that truly reflect the individual’s personality and passions, making the farewell uniquely theirs.

Closing Words and Dismissal

The service ends with closing remarks, offering comfort and hope to those present. This final message can be delivered by anyone, so take some time to craft something meaningful and heartfelt. While a toast would be a lovely gesture, most cemeteries prohibit alcohol. However, you could use non-alcoholic bubbles as a substitute—they add a celebratory touch without breaking the rules. Just head to the local pub after for some drinks!

Choosing a Location

Start by selecting a cemetery or green burial site that is meaningful to your loved one and accessible for family and friends. Whether it’s a local cemetery with beautiful scenery or a place with personal significance, the right location sets the tone for the service. In Oregon and Washington, there are several green cemeteries that offer a unique experience compared to traditional funeral services. These sites often provide serene surroundings and blend into the natural landscape, offering a peaceful resting place with easy visitation options.

Decide on the Service Type

Determine whether the funeral service will be religious or non-religious. Will it be a solemn affair or a celebration of life? At Vita Viola, we believe in creative themes for funerals, such as a rainbow theme, a dance party, a favorite movie, or even a food culture theme. You can also consider a specific color scheme; for example, Buddhists often wear white to funerals. We think rainbow colors are especially meaningful, but we’re open to any ideas you have for theming—share them with us, and we’ll help you bring them to life!

Who Are You Inviting?

Decide whether the funeral service will be private or open to a larger community. Will it be an intimate gathering of close family and friends, or a bigger event that includes the whole LGBTQ+ community? If you opt for a small, private funeral, you can always plan a memorial event later where the rest of you can celebrate in a way that truly honors your loved one. Consider the location for this event, whether it’s a favorite bar, restaurant, hotel, or an outdoor venue like a beachside Airbnb villa or a beautiful garden.

Select a Speaker

Choosing the right speaker is an important part of planning the graveside service. This person can be a family member, close friend, or someone who knew your loved one well and can speak to their life and character. If no one feels comfortable speaking, you might consider hiring a professional speaker or celebrant. A celebrant is trained to lead ceremonies and can help convey the sentiments and memories that you want to share, ensuring the service is meaningful and respectful. They can also guide the flow of the service, making it easier for everyone to participate and feel connected.

Plan the Order of Service

When planning the order of service, consider the traditional elements like readings, eulogies, music, and any rituals you want to include. However, you don’t have to stick to the usual format. You could include a video montage, invite everyone to sing a favorite song that might not be typical for a traditional funeral service, or even have a group dance if that feels right. Instead of a standard order of service pamphlet, consider creating a keepsake that tells the story of your loved one. This can be a booklet or a digital memory page that people can take with them and cherish. It could include stories, photos, and highlights of their life, making it a uniqueand personal tribute.

Communicate Details to Attendees

Ensure all guests are informed about the time, location, and any specific requests or instructions for the service. This could include details like a dress code or a request to bring a particular item in memory of the deceased. For example, you might ask guests to bring a favorite dish to share, or have someone in charge of a BBQ or open fire cooking if you’re planning to include a meal or gathering afterward. Clear communication helps everyone know what to expect and allows them to participate fully in honoring your loved one.

Consider Post-Service Gatherings

Think about organizing a gathering after the service, often called the ‘after party,’ which can be a separate event or integrated with the traditional funeral service itself. This is a time for further reflection, sharing stories, and offering support to one another. You could host this gathering at a special location, such as a favorite restaurant, a family home, or even a unique venue like a cathedral that allows celebrations. It’s a chance to continue celebrating the life of your loved one in a more relaxed setting, where people can share memories and find comfort in each other’s company.

Oh, and Most Importantly, What Do You Wear at a Graveside Service?

Deciding what to wear to a graveside service can set the tone for the event. While dark colors are traditional for more conservative funerals, you have the freedom to choose something that reflects the personality and spirit of your loved one. If they were vibrant and colorful, consider asking guests to wear bright and bold outfits, or even a specific theme like rainbows. It’s all about celebrating their life in a way that feels right. Encourage everyone to dress in a way that honors the unique character of the person you’re remembering.

Alternatives to a Traditional Graveside Service

As our society evolves, so do our ways of saying farewell. Here are some alternatives to consider:

Green Burials

Green burials use biodegradable materials, allowing the body to return to the earth naturally. This option minimizes environmental impact and can be a meaningful choice for those who value sustainability.

Sea Burials

A sea burial is a touching option for those with a connection to the ocean. This involves placing the deceased in a biodegradable container and releasing it into the sea, often accompanied by a small ceremony on a boat.

Tree Burials

Tree burials combine cremated remains with a tree seed or sapling, creating a living memorial. This allows the deceased to nourish new life, turning a gravesite into a vibrant, growing tribute.

Digital Memorials

Digital memorials provide online spaces for remembrance, accessible to friends and family worldwide. These can include virtual memorial services, tribute websites, and social media pages dedicated to the deceased, offering a place for sharing memories and messages.

Recomposition

Recomposition is an eco-friendly process that converts human remains into soil. This method supports the environment by reducing carbon emissions and conserving land space, offering a sustainable alternative to traditional burial.

Coping with Grief

Grief is a natural response to loss and can be overwhelming. Here are some resources to help you navigate this challenging time:

Grief Counseling Services

Professional counselors offer coping strategies and a safe space to express emotions. They are trained to help you process your feelings and find healthy ways to deal with your loss.

Support Groups

Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can provide comfort and understanding. Sharing your experiences in a support group can be incredibly therapeutic.

Books on Dealing with Grief

Reading about grief can normalize your feelings and offer practical advice. Books like “Healing After Loss” by Martha Whitmore Hickman or “It’s OK That You’re Not OK” by Megan Devine can provide helpful insights and support.

Online Resources

Websites and online communities offer guidance and support. Platforms like “What’s Your Grief” and “GriefShare” provide articles, forums, and resources to help you cope with loss. Online memorial websites also allow friends and family to share memories, photos, and messages of condolence, creating a virtual space for collective mourning and remembrance.e.

In The End

A graveside service is more than just a final goodbye; it’s a chance to celebrate a life and find comfort in shared memories. Whether you lean towards a traditional funeral service or get creative with alternative options, these moments offer a special time for everyone to come together, share stories, and remember your loved one in a meaningful way.

By exploring different possibilities and adding personal touches, you can turn what might be a somber event into a truly heartfelt tribute. Remember, a farewell should be as unique and memorable as the life it celebrates.

For more tips, ideas, and inspiration around funerals, be sure to check out our blog. We’re here to help guide you every step of the way.

FAQ: Common Questions About A Graveside Service

What is a graveside service? 

A graveside service is a ceremony held at the burial site, where family and friends gather to pay their final respects. It offers a more intimate and focused atmosphere compared to traditional indoor funeral services.

Can I arrange a graveside service myself? 

Yes, in many places, including Oregon, you’re not required to use a licensed funeral director. You can handle everything from obtaining a death certificate to transporting your loved one.

How much does a graveside service cost? 

The cost can vary. DIY services can be more affordable, while funeral home services might cost up to $4,000, including possible extras like embalming or a coffin.

What are some creative ideas for a graveside service? 

Consider personal touches like unique music selections, special themes, or incorporating elements that reflect your loved one’s personality. For example, you could play their favorite songs or have a themed dress code.

What are alternatives to a traditional graveside service? 

Alternatives include green burials, sea burials, tree burials, and digital memorials. Each offers a unique way to honor your loved one, whether through eco-friendly practices or creating a living tribute.

How can I cope with grief after a loss? 

Seek support through grief counseling, support groups, or reading resources. Online communities can also offer guidance and a space to connect with others who understand what you’re going through.